The Joska Report...

I wrote this shortly after my return from Kenya, nearly two years ago. Just found it in the interwebs...

There are many things I could tell you about my time in Kenya. Many things that I would like to share with the world, but there is neither time enough nor words to give justice to the experience. For this reason I will tell of a few brief moments that have impacted me in different ways. Some of my experiences were great God moments, and others were simply times filled with great joy and unexplainable appreciation for God’s creation.

While in Joska we took part in a digging project that will provide much of the village with fresh water from a borehole which will be dug in a central location. Our whole team was working on digging trenches which will house pipeline to feed the water to the villagers in their homes. There was no set work groups, it just worked out that I ended up working with Thomas, Edgar, and David (aka ‘Team W’). We had many discussions about God and the Bible, about how Americans live verses how Kenyans live, about what the Bible says about many things, some which are clearly defined and others which are open for interpretation. One such discussion was about the creation story. I don’t think I have ever thought about this particular story in the detail which we discussed it that day. I’ll spare you the majority of details, but I will share the one part that has stuck with me simply because I found humor in it. We were talking when David says “The Bible says ‘from the earth God created man.’ Well that makes sense for us; (he picks up a handful of dirt) see we match, (he then put the dirt in my hand) but you, you don’t match. How do you explain this?” He asks me. I laughed out loud because this was not something I had ever thought about. The only thing I can think of is that sand is the same color as me, and the red clay of Georgia is the same color as Indians, and there are varying shades of dirt all around the earth, maybe God used different dirt for each one of us? I know it sounds silly, but this brief conversation about dirt really has made me think more about how amazing God is and how he will use anything to bring himself to the center of our lives, even dirt.

Another encounter that has touched me deeper than I can possibly express with my limited vocabulary was the meeting of the young man named John. He is thirteen years old, the oldest of four children, he is roughly the size of an average five year old child, and he spends the majority of his time in the blue box/bucket. John has limited mobility due to his physical handy cap; he is able to drag himself through the strength in his arms, but he is unable to walk due to his stunted growth. He is unable to speak, although I share the belief that he is capable of understanding when people speak to him. He reacted when David and I spoke to him, and he reacted when we prayed for him and his family before we left his home. We went to John’s home to gather information about him and one of his sisters so they can be put on a list of children to be sponsored. While the rest of our group, along with our translator, and John’s family went into the family home for the interview, I stayed outside with John. I felt led to pray for him, and to simply talk with him about God’s love for him and his family. I had a Frisbee which he played with while I talked to him and prayed over him. I don’t know why God sent me to that house, or why he chose to break my heart for this boy (he was not the only handicap child I met while in Kenya). I do know that God is doing a great work through this boy, and I have faith that God will bring him into fullness of life; if not in this life, then when John walks beside Jesus in the Kingdom of Heaven. John is part of my daily prayers, and he consumes many of my thoughts through out my day. I pray I have the opportunity to meet him again in this life, but that isn’t part of Gods will for us, then I look forward to meeting with John again in the next life, where we will laugh and praise God together. He is one person whom I will not soon forget, and I pray that I never do.

I don’t really know how to explain the last encounter I would like to share. Mary-Anne and her mother Cecilia had such a profound impact on my life in a very different way than John or “Team W”, but the words escape me. I met both mother and daughter on the first day in Joska. Mary-Anne and I wondered the school yard for a bit on Sunday during the intermission at church, where I also met Cecilia who invited me to her house not once, but twice that day. She was just as disappointed as I was that I wasn’t able to visit their home that day. I had to leave the second invitation with a promise to try to visit one day that week, knowing that I had NO control over whose homes we would be visiting; I prayed hard that theirs would be one I got to visit. On Tuesday their home was my second stop. I am not sure which of us was happier that I was there, Mary-Anne ran out from the home to greet us, Cecilia hugged me as soon as I was in their yard, and I was bursting with joy. I spent the interview time playing with Mary-Anne and talking with her a bit. She is young and doesn’t understand much English, but I talked with her anyway. Her laughter, well it was enough to heal a lifetime of sadness! When the rest of my group was finished gathering information for sponsorship, Cecilia and I talked for a few minutes before she very proudly showed me their home, which was lovely! Cecilia was very proud, and pleased she was able to share her home with me if only for a minute. We spoke briefly after all had seen their home, then we were off to the next home. I saw Cecilia every day after that and we spoke more about Mary-Anne and the life they have in Joska, as well as about the plans God has for me in the future (husband, children, and the like). I am not really sure why I was drawn to this family so much more than to many of the others, but I am very blessed to have been welcomed into their lives with such warmth and love. They, like John are part of my daily thoughts and prayers, and I hope to meet them again in this life; but if it be God’s will that I wait for the next, then I wait for that day with gladness of heart.

L'essential est invisible pour les yeux...

what is essential is invisible to the eyes...

I have been in a funk for a few months now and couldn't quite figure out what was causing me to be withdrawn and grumpy. Today it hit me like a ton of bricks:

I have pushed God away.

I have been waiting for God to move in my life for so long I started to believe that He wasn't going to, that He didn't care about me, that He wasn't listening or interested in the desires of my heart, so I stopped seeking Him. I was disappointed in God for not working on my time line, I was being foolishly selfish. The realization of this truth and the lies I have believed came through reflection on the past few months, wrestling through their purpose with God, and realizing the truth of His love in every moment. He showed me that He has been listening, that He does care, and that He is at work in my life. Even when I turn away from Him he will never leave or forsake me!

I have written in the past about my struggles with being single and my hopes for the future God has for me. God has used the past few months, my free will, and one amazing man, to show me He has been listening to my desires this whole time. He has also used them to reaffirm the necessity to wait for His timing.

I have "fallen in love" with a wonderful man, and am blessed to call him friend, however, he will not be my husband or the father of my children; another man will be the answer to those prayers and desires. As for this man, the fullness of his purpose in my life is to be seen. (I am eager and hopeful for the fruitfulness of God's purposes in both our lives.) He has been an answer to many of my prayers, a glimpse of what the future will hold, and for this I am eternally thankful. Thankful to him and thankful to God for using him in my life to speak truth to my heart. I pray the same would be true for him. God please speak Your truth to his heart through or in spite of me.

Being single for more than five years had caused me to believe there had to be something wrong with me. Through simple things like eating bbq sandwiches, playing with butterflies, exploring a used book store, visiting a library (with a very special book), laughing while singing Hanson music with the windows down on the highway, my eyes have been opened to see how beautiful, intelligent, and worthy of love I am. Our friendship has helped me to face some of my biggest fears as a person, little things really, but things that matter to me. He allowed me to really be me. The silly, slightly more bold than I like to admit, brainy girl I am. For the first time in too long I didn't feel out of place, like I was hiding part of who I am or like I was being judged; I was just me. The imperfect ineffable me. For a few brief moments I tasted the joy that is to come.

I have also learned more about the Lover of my soul, the Reason I am alive, the Lord of my life. I have been tested and tried in many ways . . . and failed in nearly every way. In my failure I have learned more of God's love, grace, and mercy than I know what to do with. I am unworthy of His love, yet he gives it freely, abundantly. He washes me clean and calls me closer to him daily, even when I am too stubborn to see or too "me focused" to receive. He loves me and is daily purifying, renewing, and sanctifying me so I can better serve Him. He is my strength when I am weak, loves me without fail, knows my deepest thoughts and still calls me His. He forgives my iniquities, always. I love the Lord more than I can say, there are no words. I will fail again in the future, I am only human, I pray for the strength and wisdom to strive after God in all things. I pray the Lord will continue to use me in my human struggle to bring Glory to His name.

God's love for me: the greatest love story ever written.